Tehmeena Rizvi
“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all that I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger” – (Simon de Beauvoir)
We often hear that the age of modernity, equality and human values has dawned upon us. But from Kashmir to Kanyakumari, Asia to Africa, women continue to suffer uncountable and painful trepidation in the hands of patriarchs. Women, the finest creation of God, have become epitome of exertion and agony. Despite progress in many fields, the status of women in our society continues to be poxy. The dreams of girls are often shattered and few make it despite all odds. The walls of houses, the rooms, the balconies bear witness to the cries and pain a girl often undertakes in Kashmir due to rigid patriarchal structure that creates a stifling ambience for her to gasp.
The mourning song often starts from the hospital when she is born and some families think that they have reached a crowning point, if they don’t express sorrow over it. The bigotry starts from there and continues till her journey into the grave. Girl is treated as property, ownership driven commodity, feeling less entity often by the parents. Society steps in to taunt her into submission to accept their definition of what is so called ‘ethicality’. Even when natural calamities occur like cloud bursts and floods, her career choices and dressing sense is blamed and justified by so called religious bigots on pulpit by treating her “sacred other”.
Society still deems the girl who achieved great heights in her career as something as crossing the line, while our ethos and sacred scriptures support women in higher roles. The parents also need to take a human outlook on the dignified life of their daughters. Keeping a suspicious eye on them, scolding them for everything and putting barriers on their career flights is tantamount to hurting sentiments of girls thereby diminishing the intellectual stature of girls in society.
A financially independent woman is treated as characterless and morality definition is often applied to women’s gender. The untouched reality of our society is that when the daughter is about to step in her in laws’ house, the welcome song of her own family for wedding reception of bridegroom is “maalinch kunz kar Havali, Malas aav rut kharedar” ( oh ‘ Bride surrender your keys, a rich customer has come to take you). These deep rooted words are not just painful for the bride but literally hint to her asking her to surrender to any cruel wishes of in-laws. It does not stop here, she is often told “wariv gov kabar” ( In Laws’ home is a graveyard ) . The reason we see so much domestic violence and dowry deaths in Kashmir are the foundations laid by such words and phrases of prejudice. It is not just patriarchy but killing aspirations of girls multiple ways.
The statistics on ground are horrible to say the least. Domestic violence against women in Kashmir has increased sharply over the years. The National Family Health Survey (NFHS) conducted by the Union Ministry of Health has shocking exposure about domestic violence against women in Jammu and Kashmir. The survey report, released in 2020, states that 9.6% of women in the age group 18-49 experienced domestic violence in 2019-20. Very few percent of cases get justice.
On the more flip side of things even the basic commuting in public transport has become cruel ordeal for girls, wherein the monsters or sexually frustrated men prowl on them. A young girl from Srinagar recently would tell me how often harassment from men in public transportation had literally thrown her life under bus and was reeling under depression. The cases like hers are throughout the length and breadth of Kashmir. When a girl achieves a wonderful feat in her exams she is trolled for her choice of dress and we have declined to such an extent that even shining little girls are harassed for the same as we had witnessed immediately after last year’s 10th and 12th class results.
The society and parents need also to understand that there is no war or animosity between the liberal and religious women of Kashmir especially when it comes to young girls. We respect each other’s choice of thinking and choice of dress. Plus by beating a shit out of your girl child to make her follow a particular worldview would never yield any good for neither parents nor society. The institution of dialogue should be vibrant both in our society and families to give the girl child her due. We also have seen how a large percentage of Kashmiri families eschew the property rights of girls after marriage. We talk about lofty things on social media but fail them in real life. The Holy Quran has clearly mentioned the rights of women in property and throwing her property rights under the bus is not just immoral but irreligious too.
The statement of respecting mothers is great but it means nothing when men crack inhumane jokes about their own spouses and other women, and also bracket them under immoral tags. These biased jokes and commentaries on women become foundation stones towards cruelty towards her. We need a serious introspection on all these parameters to give an equitable and humane touch to the life and career flights of our girl children.
Social media of Kashmir too is often filled with stories that project the humiliation of women at hands of her family or society and not just projects it but glorifies it . It is our great undoing as a humane society that such shameful posts not only go viral but get a huge positive feedback from netizens proving that we have reduced overselves to just mere moral carcasses. Things need to change otherwise our doom as society is pre written destiny and we are another Somalia or Afghanistan in the making for the women and girls.
Tehmeena Rizvi is a Public Policy Professional from J&K, Currently working with Policy Perspectives Foundation, New Delhi
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK.