Some years age I chanced to read a short story titled “So Close, Yet So Far” in which a guy and a girl lived in the same apartment building for many years; they would start their day every morning riding the elevator together – however, they had never actually seen each other, nor had they met before, because they were always on their phones.
Something similar is happening to us and our neighbours. Worse, the pandemic has hit our families where each member is seen glued to his/her mobile unmindful of what is happening around in the same living space.
If you have ever felt overwhelmingly alone even when you were physically surrounded by people, maybe even in a crowded party, or a conference hall, you are not alone in feeling that way. In fact, a recent report out of Harvard found that 36% of American adults feel serious loneliness “frequently” or “almost all of the time.”
And we all know that the pandemic wreaked havoc on us feeling and physically being close to others. Yet, loneliness is a totally normal human emotion, and so is feeling it even when your socializing levels are off the charts.
Even if you’re a self-proclaimed introvert who would rather make small talk at the water-cooler than admit to loneliness, it is still natural to yearn for some human connection. Being social is good for our mental health, but there are so many things that make us feel like we’re living on our own island, disconnected from others.
Aristotle the legendary Greek philosopher said, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual.” Man cannot live alone. Loneliness is a global health issue that must be addressed.
A recent U.S. study indicates that one in 12 people experiences loneliness to the extent where it may cause serious health problems. Still yet, the true extent of loneliness on a global scale remains unclear. In an effort to help decision makers understand the severity of the loneliness epidemic, a team of researchers led by the University of Sydney analyzed evidence from more than 100 countries and territories. The results have confirmed that the issue is widespread throughout many countries across the world.
“Humans thrive on meaningful social connections. Feelings of loneliness set in when a discrepancy exists between one’s desired and one’s actual level of social relationships,” wrote the study authors. “Loneliness is a negative, subjective experience closely linked to the quality of social connections. Loneliness is similar to, but distinct from, social isolation, which is defined as a lack of social contacts, and being alone, characterised as being physically removed from social connections. Transient loneliness is a common experience, but chronic or severe loneliness pose threats to health and well-being.” The experts noted that a growing collection of research has linked loneliness to various adverse health outcomes, such as high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol levels, coronary heart disease, sleep disturbance, and increased risk of cognitive impairment and dementia. In fact, the researchers said that feeling lonely may also be detrimental to behavioural, mental, and social health throughout the lifespan, with potential outcomes like depression and substance abuse. “According to a 2015 meta-analysis, people with chronic loneliness had a 26 percent increased risk of mortality,” wrote the study authors. “This increased risk is comparable to established risk factors such as physical inactivity and grade 1 obesity.”
Based on studies from 106 countries, the prevalence of lonely feelings among adolescents ranged from 9.2 percent in Southeast Asia to 14.4 percent in the Eastern Mediterranean region. “Based on our meta-analysis, the prevalence of loneliness is highly heterogenous across countries, even within the same region.
While insufficient data prevented us from identifying geographical patterns of loneliness outside of Europe, within Europe the pattern is clear and consistent,” said the researchers. “Across different adult age groups, northern European countries consistently reported the lowest prevalence of loneliness, whereas eastern European countries reported the highest.”
“One study attributed country level differences to demographic characteristics, health status, social participation, and social support. Others have cited welfare systems and social security schemes as contributing factors, as welfare generosity has been positively linked to social participation and inversely associated with social exclusion.”
Most of the data examined for the study was from high income countries, particularly Europe. In that sense, the data insufficient to make conclusions about trends on a global scale.
The study authors also noted that while the data gaps in low and middle income countries raise an important issue of equity, the findings still reinforce the urgency of approaching loneliness as an important public health issue.
Regardless, the researchers pointed out that even if the problem of loneliness had not worsened during their search period, from 2000 to 2019, the subsequent Covid-19 pandemic had a profound impact on loneliness. With this in mind, the experts said that their review provides an important pre-pandemic baseline for future surveillance.
“Public health efforts to prevent and reduce loneliness require well coordinated ongoing surveillance across different life stages and broad geographical areas,” wrote the researchers. Sizeable differences in prevalence of loneliness across countries and regions call for in-depth investigation to unpack the drivers of loneliness at systemic levels and to develop interventions to deal with them.
Widespread loneliness in the U.S. poses health risks as deadly as smoking a dozen cigarettes daily, costing the health industry billions of dollars annually, the U.S. surgeon general said recently in declaring the latest public health epidemic. About half of U.S. adults say they’ve experienced loneliness, Dr. Vivek Murthy said in a report from his office. “We now know that loneliness is a common feeling that many people experience. It’s like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing,” Murthy told The Associated Press in an interview. “Millions of people in America are struggling in the shadows, and that’s not right. That’s why I issued this advisory to pull back the curtain on a struggle that too many people are experiencing.”
The declaration is intended to raise awareness around loneliness but won’t unlock federal funding or programming devoted to combatting the issue. Research shows that Americans, who have become less engaged with worship houses, community organizations and even their own family members in recent decades, have steadily reported an increase in feelings of loneliness. The number of single households has also doubled over the last 60 years. But the crisis deeply worsened when COVID-19 spread, prompting schools and workplaces to shut their doors and sending millions of Americans to isolate at home away from relatives or friends. People culled their friend groups during the coronavirus pandemic and reduced time spent with those friends, the surgeon general’s report finds. Americans spent about 20 minutes a day in person with friends in 2020, down from 60 minutes daily nearly two decades earlier. The loneliness epidemic is hitting young people, ages 15 to 24, especially hard. The age group reported a 70% drop in time spent with friends during the same period.
Loneliness increases the risk of premature death by nearly 30%, with the report revealing that those with poor social relationships also had a greater risk of stroke and heart disease. Isolation also elevates a person’s likelihood for experiencing depression, anxiety and dementia. The surgeon general has called on workplaces, schools, technology companies, community organisations, parents and other people to make changes that will boost the country’s connectedness. He advises people to join community groups and put down their phones when they’re catching up with friends; employers to think carefully about their remote work policies; and health systems to provide training for doctors to recognize the health risks of loneliness. Technology has rapidly exacerbated the loneliness problem, with one study cited in the report finding that people who used social media for two hours or more daily were more than twice as likely to report feeling socially isolated than those who were on such apps for less than 30 minutes a day. Murthy said social media is driving the increase in loneliness in particular. His report suggests that technology companies roll out protections for children especially around their social media behaviour.
Feeling lonely even when you’re not alone is more common than you might think, but if you’re looking to make more connections to keep loneliness at bay, there are so many ways to link up with people who get you. With time, a little determination, and maybe even some therapeutic guidance, it’s possible to work your way out of this rut. “There’s really no substitute for in-person interaction,” Murthy said. “As we shifted to use technology more and more for our communication, we lost out on a lot of that in-person interaction. How do we design technology that strengthens our relationships as opposed to weaken them?” There are a few steps one could take to work on those lonely feels, and it starts with checking in with oneself.
First, you’ll want to try to acknowledge that you feel lonely without dunking on yourself for feeling that way. Don’t stress about what you’re doing wrong and why you think you might be the only one who feels this way. Then, when you sit with those emotions, try to figure out what would fill you up. Do you wish you felt more seen for who you are or you want to have more meaningful convos with those already around you? Do you want more friends? There’s no right or wrong answer here, so you have to be honest with yourself and figure out where your bar for social connection is. If you’re not meeting your personal needs, then use that lonely feeling as a compass to find out where you need to go from here, advises Dr. Kirmayer. “We really want to be intentional about who we are reaching out to and who we are spending our time with,” she says, adding that “it really is the quality of our connections and relationships that helps us to meet our need for connection and reduce those feelings of loneliness, as opposed to just being surrounded by people.”
If you want to focus on strengthening the connections you have now, start out by trying to share more about yourself and the parts of you that you might keep tucked away. Sometimes, it might help to prep your friends by letting them know what you need from them so you can feel like you belong. Try saying, “Here’s a part of my life that I really want to share with you, and it’s been difficult for me to open up about that,” Dr. Kirmayer suggests. Now, if your current circle is just not hitting and you really do need some new friends, prioritise finding people with similar interests or backgrounds. We may have to step out of our comfort zones in order to vanquish loneliness.
Someone very pithily remarked: “When you are off-line, only food, job and your families are your worries. Being online, religion, society, politics, culture, reservation, nature, privatisation, medicine, global warming would start worrying you!”
Bhushan Lal Razdan, formerly of the Indian Revenue Service, retired as Director General of Income Tax (Investigation), Chandigarh.
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author.
The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK.