Dr Rizwana Rafiq
Marriage is a significant milestone in one’s life, possessing a special place in almost all the religions that have existed to date. A union of hearts and minds brings together two individuals in a lifelong commitment. However, while it’s considered a beautiful and promising journey, it has completely lost its relevance in today’s society. It has become a complex and challenging affair to handle. In today’s fast-paced world, where the divorce rate is rising, it’s imperative to recognize the importance of marriage counselling before taking the plunge. The history of Kashmir has witnessed the increasing menace of drug addiction, rape & murder cases, child abuse and the rate of divorce and violence against women, be it domestic or otherwise, as never before. Therefore, it is high time to introspect who is responsible for this change in our society and whose responsibility is to correct it. Is it civil society, religious leaders, parents or youngsters? The answer is every community stakeholder, and premarital counselling from all corners can play a pivotal role in reducing domestic violence cases and number of divorces to some extent. Premarital counselling is a process where engaged couples seek professional guidance to prepare for the challenges and responsibilities of marriage. Consequently, premarital counselling can play a significant role in reducing the number of domestic violence cases and divorces in Kashmir. It is not a sign of weakness or impending doom but a proactive step towards building a solid foundation for a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Starting with the parents, their emotional support and guidance to their children can play a significant role in educating them from their own experience to understand the importance of handling minor or major issues in married life. Similarly, religious leaders can provide spiritual and moral guidance to the couple based on their faith and beliefs. They can help the couple understand the religious aspects of marriage and the responsibilities that come with it. Religious leaders can also offer teachings on conflict resolution, rights and duties of spouses, which are often crucial in marriage. Because most of the people nowadays do not possess actual religious knowledge or they quote religious verses and hadiths wrongly to meet their selfish ends. Therefore, the role of Islamic scholars is significant in premarital counselling of couples. Moreover, civil society organizations can provide information about marriage’s legal aspects and young individuals can bring a contemporary perspective to premarital counselling, addressing issues relevant to the current generation, such as technology, career goals, work-family conflict and changing gender roles. The involvement of these groups can help address the various aspects of marriage, including emotional, spiritual, legal, religious and practical considerations, ensuring that the couple is well-prepared for a successful and fulfilling marriage. And one of the ways through which premarital counselling can contribute to this goal is enhancement of communication skills. Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. In Kashmir, where social and cultural norms may influence communication patterns, learning to express one’s thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Counselling provides a safe space for couples to practice open and honest communication, ensuring they can constructively express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. However, conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples handle it can make or break a marriage. Through counselling, couples can learn conflict resolution strategies, such as active listening and compromise, to prevent minor disagreements from escalating into major issues. Counselling helps a couple to recognize that marriage is not always a fairytale. It prompts discussions about finances, career goals, family planning, and other critical aspects of married life, allowing couples to realign their expectations. Premarital counselling encourages couples to discuss their expectations for the marriage, which can lead to a more realistic understanding of what married life will entail.
Moreover, marriage counselling can also strengthen the emotional connection between partners. By exploring each other’s emotional needs and vulnerabilities, couples can foster a sense of security and trust.
However, everyone carries some emotional baggage from their past into a marriage. Whether it’s unresolved childhood issues or past relationship trauma, these issues can resurface and affect the marriage. Counselling provides a platform for addressing and resolving such problems, preventing them from becoming stumbling blocks in the future. Life is replete with unforeseen surprises and intricate deviations and premarital counselling can help couples anticipate and prepare for major life transitions, such as career changes, relocating, or having children, ensuring they are better equipped to navigate these challenges together. Marriage counselling reinforces the commitment between partners. By investing time and effort into counselling, couples demonstrate their willingness to work on their relationship, making them more likely to persevere through tough times. Similarly, monetary issues are a common cause of marital stress and premarital counselling can help couples in creating a financial plan and learn how to budget effectively, reducing the likelihood of financial conflicts. In Kashmiri society specifically, extended families often play a significant role in a couple’s life and premarital counselling can also help couples anticipate and manage family dynamics and expectation challenges. Further, premarital counselling can also educate couples about divorce’s emotional, social, religious and legal consequences. And, this awareness may encourage them to work harder to make their marriage succeed.
Therefore, premarital counselling is a valuable investment in a couple’s future happiness. It equips the couples with the tools and knowledge to build a strong and resilient marriage. A successful marriage is not only about finding the right partner but also about becoming the right one through growth, communication, and mutual understanding. Moreover, it is essential to note that while premarital counselling can be beneficial, it should not be seen as a guarantee against divorce. Some marriages may still end in divorce for various reasons. However, premarital counselling can provide couples with the tools and knowledge to navigate challenges and increase the likelihood of a healthy and lasting marriage. To be effective, such counselling should be accessible, culturally and religiously sensitive, and well-promoted in the Kashmir region.
Dr Rizwana Rafiq, Assistant Professor in Central University of Kashmir